Friday, April 3, 2009
JOKES lng ph( wala pong bastusan^^)
A soldier died. Wife is crying during burial when
flag was given to her. She said,"Aanhin ko paang watawat
na 'to kung wala na ang flagpole ko!"
Hu...hu...hu...
-----------------------------------------
Husband and Wife having sex..
Husband: Luv, magsalita ka naman diyan para mas masarapan pako..,
Wife: Oohh…ahhhh.. wala tayong bigaass… buwisiiit…demonnyoo…Sipiing laang lagii taayooo….Mammmmmatay tayoo sa gutoooom....animmaaal..
pinoy and kana
Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"
Body Parts
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The Nun fainted....
use the word "connected" in a sentence!
english subject sa school sa isang lugar sa bicol.
teacher: pedro, use the word "connected" in a sentence.
pedro: ma'am yesterday, i saw two dogs in the highway, connected!
nabastusan si teacher sa sagot ni perdro!
teacher: dugyot! (salaula / bastos)
kala ni pedro nagtatanong si teacher kung batang aso!
pedro: yes ma'am! korek!
mga kasabihan:
1.Time is Gold......Convert it to cash
2.Sa mga mata ng bata....maymuta
3.Kapag Binato ka ng tinapay...saluhin mo
4.Ang taong matulin ang lakad.....sa crang tutunguhin
5.Matalino man daw ang matsing nagbabasa rin
payabangan portion
May apat na taong nagyabang sa kanilang mga lupang sinilangan:
CHINESE:Sa amin malaki simbahan, tuwing piyesta sa amin, sa loob ng simbahan namin gaganapin ang prosesyon..
BRAZIL: Our church is bigger than yours, coz we always play football in the altar..
AMERICA: that is one-third(1/3) compare to our church, because we always have our sky diving inside the church..
FILIPINO:(sempling pagsasalita) Iwan ko ba sa amin kung malaki ba yong simbahan namin, kasi isang araw may pumasok na ibuburol patay sa simbahan at noong nakarating na sa altar ay kalansay na.......malaki ba yon?
ANG ULAM
Kulas: Kumusta ang bakasyon, Tulume
Tulume: Masama. Sabado, napilay ang manok ni tiyong,
ang ulam namin, tinola.
Linggo, napilay ang baboy, ang ulam namin, litson.
Kanina, napilay si tiyong, ang ulam namin, hindi ko inalam.
Kumain ako sa labas.
SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!
A priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up
After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati e....
nyahahahahaha….
Kunting ingats mga kaibigan maka transe mayari mo..
SILI
Minsan nagpaalam ang anak sa nanay nya na kung pwedeng makipag date sia.
anak: Magdadate lang po ako.
nanay: o sige, pero bago ka umalis, lagyan mo muna ng sili yang nipples at ung baba! mo (alam nyo na un) (dyahe he..)o sige po inay gagawin ko po.
Nang magkita uli ang mag ina!
Nanay: o anak, kamusta ang date mo?
anak: Hanep Nay, Bicolano pala un e, Oragon!!!
PROMDI PROVINCE
dhil gling sa province, pagbababa nya ng barko, nagutom si Pedro,napadaan sya sa isang restaurant, sbi sa kanya ng babae sa harap ng resto, "kain po kayo"? di umorder matapos kumain, bigla syang umalis at hinabol sya ng waiter, sabi nya dito, e sabi ng babae kain daw ako? e di kumain naman ako,so tinawag nya ung manager, cge bigyan mo sya ng 1 buong manok, sabi nya sa bouncer,"pero kung anong parte ng manok ang unang kakainin mo un ang gagawin namin sayo? ika ng manager. nag-isip sya, kung hita ang kakainin nya, puputulin nya ang hita ko? kung pakpak naman, ung braso ko naman ang puputulin,,,, nag-isip sya uli at kinuha nya ung ketsup at sabay hubad at nilagyan nya ng ketsup ung pwet nya... O SIGE SIPSIPIN MO UNG PWET KO!!!!!!
strongest muscle
strongest muscles is a man tongue. it can raise womans legs with just one lick!!
lightest muscles is a man's PENIS.
it can be raised by a woman's tongue!!
Byaheeeeeeeeeee
Tanong
T: Saan bhayee ng Victory Liner!
A: Baguio!!!
T: Saan bhayee ng baliwag Liner !
A: PASAY!
T: Saan Bhayee Ng Panty Liner!
A: Heaven?!!
erap at doktor
doktor: bawal kang kumain ng baboy. dapat seafood lang.
erap: e doc, anu pu ba ung seafood??
doktor: mga hayop na lumalangoy..
erap: ah.. salamt po.
*kinabukasan*
asawa ni erap: inday, nasan ang kuya mo??
inday: andun po sa swimming pool.. tinuturuan lumangoy ang BABOY!
ngongo
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?".... (guess who)
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!
hahahahaha….
flag was given to her. She said,"Aanhin ko paang watawat
na 'to kung wala na ang flagpole ko!"
Hu...hu...hu...
-----------------------------------------
Husband and Wife having sex..
Husband: Luv, magsalita ka naman diyan para mas masarapan pako..,
Wife: Oohh…ahhhh.. wala tayong bigaass… buwisiiit…demonnyoo…Sipiing laang lagii taayooo….Mammmmmatay tayoo sa gutoooom....animmaaal..
pinoy and kana
Minsang nagkasabay sa bus stop ang isang kapampangan at isang american lady sa Chicago (windy city). Habang nakatayo silang dalawa, biglang humangin ng napakalakas at tumaas ang palda ng 'kana' na wala palang panty. Dahil sa ayaw ng pinoy na mapahiya ang 'kana' sinabi na lang n'ya na, "it's hairy (airy pala ang ibig sabihin) isn't it?" Sagot ng napahiyang 'kana', "Bastard! What do you expect to see, feathers?"
Body Parts
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The Nun fainted....
use the word "connected" in a sentence!
english subject sa school sa isang lugar sa bicol.
teacher: pedro, use the word "connected" in a sentence.
pedro: ma'am yesterday, i saw two dogs in the highway, connected!
nabastusan si teacher sa sagot ni perdro!
teacher: dugyot! (salaula / bastos)
kala ni pedro nagtatanong si teacher kung batang aso!
pedro: yes ma'am! korek!
mga kasabihan:
1.Time is Gold......Convert it to cash
2.Sa mga mata ng bata....maymuta
3.Kapag Binato ka ng tinapay...saluhin mo
4.Ang taong matulin ang lakad.....sa crang tutunguhin
5.Matalino man daw ang matsing nagbabasa rin
payabangan portion
May apat na taong nagyabang sa kanilang mga lupang sinilangan:
CHINESE:Sa amin malaki simbahan, tuwing piyesta sa amin, sa loob ng simbahan namin gaganapin ang prosesyon..
BRAZIL: Our church is bigger than yours, coz we always play football in the altar..
AMERICA: that is one-third(1/3) compare to our church, because we always have our sky diving inside the church..
FILIPINO:(sempling pagsasalita) Iwan ko ba sa amin kung malaki ba yong simbahan namin, kasi isang araw may pumasok na ibuburol patay sa simbahan at noong nakarating na sa altar ay kalansay na.......malaki ba yon?
ANG ULAM
Kulas: Kumusta ang bakasyon, Tulume
Tulume: Masama. Sabado, napilay ang manok ni tiyong,
ang ulam namin, tinola.
Linggo, napilay ang baboy, ang ulam namin, litson.
Kanina, napilay si tiyong, ang ulam namin, hindi ko inalam.
Kumain ako sa labas.
SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!
A priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up
After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati e....
nyahahahahaha….
Kunting ingats mga kaibigan maka transe mayari mo..
SILI
Minsan nagpaalam ang anak sa nanay nya na kung pwedeng makipag date sia.
anak: Magdadate lang po ako.
nanay: o sige, pero bago ka umalis, lagyan mo muna ng sili yang nipples at ung baba! mo (alam nyo na un) (dyahe he..)o sige po inay gagawin ko po.
Nang magkita uli ang mag ina!
Nanay: o anak, kamusta ang date mo?
anak: Hanep Nay, Bicolano pala un e, Oragon!!!
PROMDI PROVINCE
dhil gling sa province, pagbababa nya ng barko, nagutom si Pedro,napadaan sya sa isang restaurant, sbi sa kanya ng babae sa harap ng resto, "kain po kayo"? di umorder matapos kumain, bigla syang umalis at hinabol sya ng waiter, sabi nya dito, e sabi ng babae kain daw ako? e di kumain naman ako,so tinawag nya ung manager, cge bigyan mo sya ng 1 buong manok, sabi nya sa bouncer,"pero kung anong parte ng manok ang unang kakainin mo un ang gagawin namin sayo? ika ng manager. nag-isip sya, kung hita ang kakainin nya, puputulin nya ang hita ko? kung pakpak naman, ung braso ko naman ang puputulin,,,, nag-isip sya uli at kinuha nya ung ketsup at sabay hubad at nilagyan nya ng ketsup ung pwet nya... O SIGE SIPSIPIN MO UNG PWET KO!!!!!!
strongest muscle
strongest muscles is a man tongue. it can raise womans legs with just one lick!!
lightest muscles is a man's PENIS.
it can be raised by a woman's tongue!!
Byaheeeeeeeeeee
Tanong
T: Saan bhayee ng Victory Liner!
A: Baguio!!!
T: Saan bhayee ng baliwag Liner !
A: PASAY!
T: Saan Bhayee Ng Panty Liner!
A: Heaven?!!
erap at doktor
doktor: bawal kang kumain ng baboy. dapat seafood lang.
erap: e doc, anu pu ba ung seafood??
doktor: mga hayop na lumalangoy..
erap: ah.. salamt po.
*kinabukasan*
asawa ni erap: inday, nasan ang kuya mo??
inday: andun po sa swimming pool.. tinuturuan lumangoy ang BABOY!
ngongo
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?".... (guess who)
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!
hahahahaha….
Laffing time-Büsiness in the Philippines
1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas:"Starducks ".
3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: "Violybee"
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot".
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry".
6. Petshop in Ortigas: "Pussies and Bitches".
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit".
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers".
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken:The 'Fried' of Marikina".
12. A boxing gym: "Blow Jab".
13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, "Chickpoint"
.
16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: " Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes".
17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, n@kopi@.
18. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita"
.
19. A salon somewhere, "Curl Up And Dye"
.
20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee"
.
21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named "Wa-Thirst"
.
22. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
23. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago".
24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you
,
save your SOLE, and even DYE for you"
.
25. Petshop: "Petness First"
26. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses".
27.Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
28. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
29. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
30. A shrimp store: "Hipon Coming Back".
31. A gay lawyer's extension office: " Nota Republic ".
32. A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street "
.
33. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
35. A fishball cart named, "Poke Poke".
36. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines"
.
37. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay"
.
38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : "May Lisa Eatery".
39. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
40. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is:
"Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching".
41. Ice cream parlor: "Dila Lang Ang Katapat".
42. Chicharon store: "Chicha Hut".
43. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot".
44. A fishball cart near UST: "Eat My Balls"
.
45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber".
46. A Resto: "The Last Supper".
47. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
48. A peanut vendor's cart with a funny name:"Mani ni Papa".
49. A gym in Malolos: " Gaymann Fitness Center".
50. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : "Lah-Fang".
52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina Fresh
Chicken".
53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : "The Master Baiter".
54. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop".
55. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".
56. Signage on a restaurant: "We are open 25 hrs. a day - no lunch/dinner
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas:"Starducks ".
3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: "Violybee"
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot".
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry".
6. Petshop in Ortigas: "Pussies and Bitches".
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit".
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers".
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken:The 'Fried' of Marikina".
12. A boxing gym: "Blow Jab".
13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, "Chickpoint"
.
16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: " Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes".
17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, n@kopi@.
18. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita"
.
19. A salon somewhere, "Curl Up And Dye"
.
20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee"
.
21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named "Wa-Thirst"
.
22. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
23. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago".
24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you
,
save your SOLE, and even DYE for you"
.
25. Petshop: "Petness First"
26. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses".
27.Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
28. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
29. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
30. A shrimp store: "Hipon Coming Back".
31. A gay lawyer's extension office: " Nota Republic ".
32. A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street "
.
33. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
35. A fishball cart named, "Poke Poke".
36. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines"
.
37. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay"
.
38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila : "May Lisa Eatery".
39. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
40. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is:
"Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching".
41. Ice cream parlor: "Dila Lang Ang Katapat".
42. Chicharon store: "Chicha Hut".
43. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot".
44. A fishball cart near UST: "Eat My Balls"
.
45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber".
46. A Resto: "The Last Supper".
47. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
48. A peanut vendor's cart with a funny name:"Mani ni Papa".
49. A gym in Malolos: " Gaymann Fitness Center".
50. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig : "Lah-Fang".
52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina Fresh
Chicken".
53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : "The Master Baiter".
54. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop".
55. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".
56. Signage on a restaurant: "We are open 25 hrs. a day - no lunch/dinner
Thursday, April 2, 2009
DOTA sa 7fly!!!
kasama:
Francis
Albert
1st game:
*wala to quit c albert harass c francis noobs nman...
mandaraya talaga c francis
HERO:
albert: pudge
francis: razor(harass na nga noobs pa)
2nd game:APNPNT
*wala to quit nman c francis nagodlike kase....
HERO:
albert: razor(lakas)
francis: centaur( harass, quitters)
BUILD:
albert: threads, skadi, MKB, wraith band, TP
francis: 3 helm(noobs) stout(noobs ulit) BOTA(noobs na nman), vanguard(pang noobs!!)
WINNER
ALBERT!!!!!!(sentinel)
3rd game:APNPOM
*wala na napikon na nag quit ulit ung noobs na c francis......
HERO:
albert: kardell(naunahan lng magrazor)
francis: razor(weak, noobs )
BUILD:
albert: threads, MKB, 2 ultimate orb, wraith band, TP
francis: threads, 2 wraith band, BOTE(noobs)
WINNER:
ALBERT!!!!!!!!!! ulit!!(noobs kalaban eh weak)
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